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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Common sense from my New Hampshire family by Jackie Morrison

Danielle: The following is from Jacquelyn and it is WICKED funny!

Jacquelyn: This is an English project I have to turn in tomorrow. We had to write "common sense" from a certain person or group's point of view.

Common sense from my New Hampshire family

1. The only purpose of Southern people is to make fun of them.
2. When you see a car with a New Hampshire license plate, and you are not in New Hampshire, it is completely normal to get out of your car at a red light to tap on their window and have a friendly conversation.
3. It is also completely normal to shout “OMG!!!!! YOU’RE A RED SOX FAN!!!!!” every single time you see someone with a Red Sox hat. Because it’s very rare for someone outside the Boston area to have even heard of the Red Sox, apparently.
4. Normal conversations are held in the following manner:
“I just saw this amazing movie, but I don’t remember who was in it, what it was called, or what it was about.”
“Oh, that movie with that guy and that other guy? And the house?”
“Yeah!! That one! Did you like it?”
“I… don’t remember…”
5. Jane Bernier goes by several different names: Grammy, Grandma, Ree, Reeo, and sometimes even Ray. Papa is just Papa.
6. There will come a time when the toilet gets so clogged because of toddlers’ toys and other various items, Reeo and Papa have to buy a whole new toilet. This is not a time to fret. This is a time to wrap scarves around your faces and take turns trying to plunge, all while laughing hysterically and video taping the whole ordeal.
7. Something unfortunate ALWAYS happens on the “eves” of holidays (Christmas Eve, New Years Eve, etc.). Between broken fingers and legs, toddlers crashing into doors, and babies falling down stairs, we’ve all had our fair share.
8. You know that huge tub of water, attached to the container with the blue and white levers, and when you press a lever, water comes out? That is called a “bubblah.” Everyone knows that.
9. When youngins sneak into the pantry because they are too short to activate the motion sensor, hold down the button on the “bubblah” until all the water is gone, and accidentally flood the whole room, they don’t even get yelled at. Because it’s FUNNY.
10. In fact, no one ever gets mad at anyone else. Because everything is just too FUNNY to get mad about. Why are other families so uptight? Just laugh it off, and everything will be okay.
11. Laughing about absolutely nothing is the answer to everything. Staying up too late talking always leads to uncontrollable laughing fits. You never know what kind of story is about to be told.
12. While playing card games, always suspect that Reeo is cheating. She will play dumb and say she isn’t, but we all know she is.
13. When you get confused and are talking about something completely ridiculous, just say, “It’s just haaaaaa(r)d, it’s just haaaaaa(r)d,” using your best Boston accent. We’ll know exactly what you’re referring to, and you’ll probably have to listen to everyone in the room repeat the phrase six or seven times.
14. If you’re ever wondering where Papa is, he is either working, out to dinner, or asleep in his chair in front of the TV. You are guaranteed to find him in any of those places.
15. You shouldn’t be penalized for running a red light in New Hampshire, because in Louisiana, the yellow lights are longer.
16. The only appropriate nickname for Louisiana is “Lousy-ana.”
17. There are 25 letters in the alphabet. “R” is nowhere to be found. When arriving at a pahty, pahk the cah, lock the doah, and remember how wicked awehsome you ah becahse you live in New Hampsha.

Obviously, only my crazy family and I will understand this. We are definitely a unique family. I have so much fun with them whenever I go back to New Hampshire because we find fun in the most random things. At the end of each week, we could probably compile all our hilarious stories and write a book. With the Bernier family, you never know what’ll happen next…


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